this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
