Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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