And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
