Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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