I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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