so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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