You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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