the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
