I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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