Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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