someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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