community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We talked him into tasing himself.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
