Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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