SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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