you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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