just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
