I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
