Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
