why didn't you poke me back
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
