Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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