Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
