my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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