Plan B is the new Plan A
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We need to rekindle our bromance
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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