People in love make me want to vomit
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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