I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
