Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
