if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
