My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
