Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
