hell yes lets make some ravioli
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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