if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
