Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
