I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
