Swine flu. Run for my life!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
