I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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