My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
