the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
