i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
