ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
