Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
