i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
