I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
