I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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