How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
