My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
