Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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