So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
