i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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