I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
