I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
