so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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