Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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