My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
