I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
