i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I still have a little drunk in my system
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
