I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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