So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
