Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize