Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
