new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
