Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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