Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
