The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
