i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
