In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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