OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
