Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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