When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
