We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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