your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
