What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
