Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
