i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
