but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
