so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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