Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
