He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
