then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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