someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
