C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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