I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
