1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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