I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
