I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
