Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
