I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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