its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
