And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
